Empty Handed

Someone like you.
Never seems to want to tell me.

You always tend to stare,
At my hands that remain a constant bare.
I told myself that I was a shoulder to lean on,
For you in order to wipe your eyes clean.

Lately I have to realize a true reality,
That I will never understand your mentality.
I thought I always understood what you felt,
But you always seem to melt,
In ways that I never dealt.

Someone like you.
Never seems to want to tell me.

I sometimes would cry,
Only because I never wanted us to say a goodbye.
Because I place all my trust,
That only remains in your hands as dust.

Someone like you.
Never seems to want to tell me.

Lately I wanted to ask of you,
About the picture you drew.
Which upon my hands your finger would trace,
The empty hands that would say with such grace.

I never knew what your hints mean,
Or what the subtle orders you would declare as queen.
I don’t think you realize your actions,
Because your mind is buzzing around with so many distractions.

Someone like you.
Never seems to want to tell me.

Why you cry during your sleep,
Or how your heart tends to weep.
At my hands that remain a constant bare,
You always tend to stare,
Would you pour yourself to me then just plain air?

Someone like you.
Never seems to want to tell me.

Do I just deserve just air for my empty hands?

Stepped On.

My heart is shattered.
Pieces that are broken into a million of little bits.
You left me behind while I'm gluing the pieces back together.

Main missing fragments are gone,
To which, I no longer have them in my life.

Goodbye my love,
Goodbye my sweet--
No matter where you go.
No matter what you do,
A piece of me is always with you.
What you do with my missing piece is up to you.
I just know, I will never be the same again.

I am.
Broken.
I am.
Shattered.
And
Pieces of me are gone forever.

My heart is Broken.

Hello Stranger.

A small peek of me and this "stranger". Young inspiring artist vs and older wise scientist.

-----
Stranger: one can dream
You: Yah. Dreams can come true sometimes. You never know for sure.
You: Life has crazy twists and turns. It's chaotic and random.
Stranger: my physiology professor said last week, "I can imagine whatever i want, so I can think whatever I want."
Stranger: i thought that was pretty funny and true
You: Haha. That is a good line.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: hes all argentianian too
Stranger: so his accent made it slightly more hilarious
You: Haha. I bet.
Stranger: yeah ia gree with life being chaotic and crazy
You: Yeah. Cause if you think about it, every relationship you make its random. And its a chain. From one friend to another..etc..etc. All the events and randomness. But hey. If we all lived on a schedule till we die. Wouldn't that be boring?
Stranger: spoken like a true scientist
You: I know it would bore me to fuck and I would probably die of boredom, thats for sure. Lol.
You: Haha. Weird, cause I'm an artist and not a scientist.
Stranger: scientists are artist
You: Hm. I can see the relation.
You: Since both do things through experimentation and critical thinking.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: the vice versa would also be true
Stranger: i.e. arists are also scientists
You: /Nods.
You: Explains why I have to take more science classes then art classes.
You: Haha.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: we have a lot of famous evolutionary biologists at my school and they would agree 100% with your chaotic randomness statement
You: Haha. Cause its true.
Stranger: a lot of people are hell bent on thinking that everythign happens for a reason. but nothign happens for any reason at all, we just tend to think there is a reason
You: Well everything does happen for a reason.
You: To a degree.
Stranger: yes, true.
You: Not from a god exactly.
You: but something that we can learn from
Stranger: everything happens for a reason but that reason is no reason at all.
You: Experimentation to ourselfs I suppose you can say. Because all the mistakes and the trials we do. We learn. Just like something you would see in a lab. Just that it happens with every occasion. Just that its random.
You: Though experimentation should be random anyways.
You: So both statements in a way are true.
Stranger: i agree
You: Just that people have the wrong interpetation on things.
You: Hm.. I totally spelled that wrong.
You: Lol.
Stranger: well we are free to have our interpretations but ultimately from the most objective point of view there is really no reason i guess
Stranger: whatever, its the internet
You: The reason is to enjoy it. Basically.
Stranger: yeah, i should try to enjoy it more.
You: Indeed.
----

Remember that any opportunity that comes along. Leap for it and enjoy it. If you don't-
You'll always wonder "what if?"
Open yourself up to a complete stranger and you never know that you might have a lot of things in common with this person.
You never know-
For sure what will happen.
Life is depressing cooped up in a box.
Go out and free yourself and enjoy what you have.
Life is short.
Time is our enemy and keeps on schedule.
Remember that every thing that happens- It's random.
You never know- "What if" until you try.

Which is why I'm still with Aaron--
Which is why I stayed for so long in this distance relationship.
I want to know what is this "if".

Be inspired and take advantage of ANYTHING that comes your way.
It's your life-
Make it how you want it to be,
and not expect for things to come to you.

Blood Orange

Revolve around my fingertips,
And tell me how attractive I am.

Allow me to seep into your mind,
And pluck out--- your juicy heart.

I do this because,
I love you.
And I will do anything for your own good.

Let me pour the blood orange juice
From the pumping fruit,
Into a cup.
For me to drink.

The delicate bitter sweet,
The aroma from within you---
This tastes---
Like love to me.

Your love for me feeds my hunger.

The Kite and The Tree

If my heart was a kite, and your love was the wind.
My heart will forever soar in your love,
Until it is caught in the branch of a tree.
Your heart beating within the trunk-

The string-
Tangled and wrapped around.
It’s complicated knots and turns.
The conflicts and the passion-
Your love would blow gently,
Only to get them more and more tangled.

Forever and ever.
Shall the knots be together.
Forever shall be-
Our love be together.

And so will the memories.

Time.

It clicks.
It ticks.
It tocks.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Why do I never find the time-
To think about someone else then you?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

I always find myself,
Stopping-
In hopes of spending time--

With you-

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

And only you.

I find the time for you.
Why won’t you find it for me?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Why is it-
That I feel like somehow-
One day.
You would change?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

To find the time for me?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

When its been---

How long, my dear?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

I can only wait for so long.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Please do not worry, love.
Do not plead.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Because our time together.
Has already ended here.

Tick, tock. Tic---

I wish you would tell me--
How long-
You wished for this to last.
Because our time together,
Has ended too fast.

Or so it feels---
Tell me,
If your heart is still ticking for me, Love.

I fear someday....
Maybe,
That time would tear us apart and you would forget me.
But before that ever happens,
I hope you felt-
Even during one chance--
That I have cared and cherish you the best and only way I know.

Please do not forget me.
For I gave you my all.

Bittersweet.

I had a dream, the other night. And many nights before. It was quite interesting.
I was running. In a familiar place. It was the motel I used to live in when I was five.
Back in Florida.
I was currently my age though. And I was kicking my feet against the ground, but instead of moving. It was like I was running in place. Or just slowly moving. Suddenly. There was a flash of cold air. Like as if my warm soul as left me and through my life. But I was still running, ever so slowly in place.
But then I realized I wasn't going anywhere. So I slowly turned around.
I looked to my right, swiftly turned my shoulders and the rest of my body in place. Still in that slow motion.
Blinking once, I see a blur of color. Like I didn't put in my contacts. So I blinked once more. And the image would become more and more clearer as I blinked more and more. When I come and see the people I have went and made a huge impact on my life.
And I saw my group of my closest friends.
Ariel, Melissa, Ariel, Victoria,...etc.
So I tried to run to them, but- I was still kept at the same slow speed. When the room got dark.
And a spotlight shine.
It felt like one of those epic theatrical settings.
And the spotlight. Shined. On Aaron.
(Aaron, is my current boyfriend. I suppose. It's really hard to say, where we're at. It seems like as the day would go on and on. We became more and more distant. We understand each other, and how time and the distant is tearing us apart. But I'm not to sure what to say anymore. I never actually truely fell in love with someone as much as this one person. But I feel at the same time. That he can find someone more suitable for him, as well as me.)
The spotlight shined brightly on Aaron. And he was the only lit thing in there.
I start to notice a crowd of people. Whispering... And it didn't sound like a very good whisper.
So naturally. I ran..slowly. Towards Aaron.
He smiled, which made me smile back.
When the spotlight turned off.
And the whispers...
Just got louder.
And louder.
"Did you hear?"
"Shes dating someone so much older then her!"
"What a bad girl!"
"Dating already? How old is she?"
"So childish she is! She can't even take care herself!"
"She needs to pull up her act together before even thinking some guy would be her so-called-prince."
"Such a silly girl...Really. There are no such things as 'love at first sight'... Stupid. Really so young and stupid."
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Whisper. Whisper. Whisper.
After awhile. I couldn't handle it. So I tried to scream. My mouth would open, but no noise or sound would come out of my mouth. No matter how hard I tried to tell them to shut up.
I crouched. My arms over my ears.
But I still hear their whispers. As time would past, they got louder and louder.
I couldn't stand it. Their talk about me, was making my ears sting. I felt like my ears were going to be slowly ripped off of the side of my head. I squeezed my arms around my head tighter, trying to keep the pain away.
My ears! My ears!
Keep the whispers away from me!
But nothing was working.
So I tried to run, but still I was running slow. It was like, I wasn't going anywhere.
But the whispers, they were hurting more and more. So slowly... I was falling... And finally all a sudden. I fell to the ground. And everything was back into normal speed.
I felt a sudden warmth in my hands. Like everything was okay now.
I refined from staring at my hands to look around in the darkness around me.
It was too dark to see anything.
Click.
The spotlight came back on.
But shined upon me instead.
I stood up, gradually.
And looked around the room.
The whispers were returning...
So I ran.
Rain started to pour from nowhere.
But that didn't stop me.
I just kept running.
And running.
Covering my ears from the painful talk as I ran.
As the spotlight continued to follow.
Stalking my every turn, my every move...
In the dark.
Where the whispers would not stop.

I realize now that I run away. From everything.
Hoping the pain would stop.
I run away. From my problems.
But what am I to do to make it stop?
I care too much.
I care too much of what people thought about me.
But its hard when my worst fear is to lose everyone I love.
And I just happen to love those who hurt me...

How bittersweet.

I miss you

I missed you when,
You would tell me how you loved me

Because I could sense your love
From the miles in between.

I would be eager when,
I would hear from you

Because I always had you on my mind
And what you were doing.

I would smile when,
You told me you were smiling too.

Because I loved you
Back then...

The most part I missed though
Is having you here.

Because I sense the distance
In between us now.

But not through miles...

The distance of how we felt...

I miss you
When we would say,
"I love you, more then anything."

Twirling World

3/26/09
11:16PM

My love for you is like the world,
Ever so changing as it twirls.

The sound from your mouth is like the wind,
That blows my troubles away as I grin.

Your arms like vines,
Which confines,
And wrap me around you as we combine.

Your touching display-- Soft as clay,
The young youth inside you that makes you--okay.

I cut through the trunk of your chest,
By asking the questions and poking at the nest.
The beating sounds that makes me calm,
It sometimes makes me wonder if it’s a bomb.

An explosion that will arrive,
When I whisper what I strive.

If I told you, “You are my world.”
Would you tell me, “My heart just twirled.”