Bittersweet.

I had a dream, the other night. And many nights before. It was quite interesting.
I was running. In a familiar place. It was the motel I used to live in when I was five.
Back in Florida.
I was currently my age though. And I was kicking my feet against the ground, but instead of moving. It was like I was running in place. Or just slowly moving. Suddenly. There was a flash of cold air. Like as if my warm soul as left me and through my life. But I was still running, ever so slowly in place.
But then I realized I wasn't going anywhere. So I slowly turned around.
I looked to my right, swiftly turned my shoulders and the rest of my body in place. Still in that slow motion.
Blinking once, I see a blur of color. Like I didn't put in my contacts. So I blinked once more. And the image would become more and more clearer as I blinked more and more. When I come and see the people I have went and made a huge impact on my life.
And I saw my group of my closest friends.
Ariel, Melissa, Ariel, Victoria,...etc.
So I tried to run to them, but- I was still kept at the same slow speed. When the room got dark.
And a spotlight shine.
It felt like one of those epic theatrical settings.
And the spotlight. Shined. On Aaron.
(Aaron, is my current boyfriend. I suppose. It's really hard to say, where we're at. It seems like as the day would go on and on. We became more and more distant. We understand each other, and how time and the distant is tearing us apart. But I'm not to sure what to say anymore. I never actually truely fell in love with someone as much as this one person. But I feel at the same time. That he can find someone more suitable for him, as well as me.)
The spotlight shined brightly on Aaron. And he was the only lit thing in there.
I start to notice a crowd of people. Whispering... And it didn't sound like a very good whisper.
So naturally. I ran..slowly. Towards Aaron.
He smiled, which made me smile back.
When the spotlight turned off.
And the whispers...
Just got louder.
And louder.
"Did you hear?"
"Shes dating someone so much older then her!"
"What a bad girl!"
"Dating already? How old is she?"
"So childish she is! She can't even take care herself!"
"She needs to pull up her act together before even thinking some guy would be her so-called-prince."
"Such a silly girl...Really. There are no such things as 'love at first sight'... Stupid. Really so young and stupid."
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Whisper. Whisper. Whisper.
After awhile. I couldn't handle it. So I tried to scream. My mouth would open, but no noise or sound would come out of my mouth. No matter how hard I tried to tell them to shut up.
I crouched. My arms over my ears.
But I still hear their whispers. As time would past, they got louder and louder.
I couldn't stand it. Their talk about me, was making my ears sting. I felt like my ears were going to be slowly ripped off of the side of my head. I squeezed my arms around my head tighter, trying to keep the pain away.
My ears! My ears!
Keep the whispers away from me!
But nothing was working.
So I tried to run, but still I was running slow. It was like, I wasn't going anywhere.
But the whispers, they were hurting more and more. So slowly... I was falling... And finally all a sudden. I fell to the ground. And everything was back into normal speed.
I felt a sudden warmth in my hands. Like everything was okay now.
I refined from staring at my hands to look around in the darkness around me.
It was too dark to see anything.
Click.
The spotlight came back on.
But shined upon me instead.
I stood up, gradually.
And looked around the room.
The whispers were returning...
So I ran.
Rain started to pour from nowhere.
But that didn't stop me.
I just kept running.
And running.
Covering my ears from the painful talk as I ran.
As the spotlight continued to follow.
Stalking my every turn, my every move...
In the dark.
Where the whispers would not stop.

I realize now that I run away. From everything.
Hoping the pain would stop.
I run away. From my problems.
But what am I to do to make it stop?
I care too much.
I care too much of what people thought about me.
But its hard when my worst fear is to lose everyone I love.
And I just happen to love those who hurt me...

How bittersweet.

I miss you

I missed you when,
You would tell me how you loved me

Because I could sense your love
From the miles in between.

I would be eager when,
I would hear from you

Because I always had you on my mind
And what you were doing.

I would smile when,
You told me you were smiling too.

Because I loved you
Back then...

The most part I missed though
Is having you here.

Because I sense the distance
In between us now.

But not through miles...

The distance of how we felt...

I miss you
When we would say,
"I love you, more then anything."

Twirling World

3/26/09
11:16PM

My love for you is like the world,
Ever so changing as it twirls.

The sound from your mouth is like the wind,
That blows my troubles away as I grin.

Your arms like vines,
Which confines,
And wrap me around you as we combine.

Your touching display-- Soft as clay,
The young youth inside you that makes you--okay.

I cut through the trunk of your chest,
By asking the questions and poking at the nest.
The beating sounds that makes me calm,
It sometimes makes me wonder if it’s a bomb.

An explosion that will arrive,
When I whisper what I strive.

If I told you, “You are my world.”
Would you tell me, “My heart just twirled.”